She doesn't want to talk, not today. She doesn't want to laugh or smile or cry. She doesn't quite know what she wants, and what she does know she just never seems to get anyway. She doesn't want to talk. She's confused, empty, hurting, lonely. And as much as she tries to hide it, sometimes seeing you, talking to you reminds her of everything she tries to mask. Of everything she longs for, everything she just can't seem to find. And it's not your fault she knows and she's sorry for not being nice or being unpleasant at times, but sometimes she can't help getting angry. Because no matter how many smiles she gives, how many different laughs she makes, she still feels like she's choking everytime she breathes. And all the pretend happiness cannot make it go away. Smiles can numb but they don't stop it from creeping out every now and then, all the time. She tries running away but not even that she's able to do, she tries screaming for help but no one seems to be listening, she smothers herself with food looking for some kind of comfort, which only ends up making things worse. Everything is so messed up, sometimes she feels like screaming until her voice runs out. Because sometimes it hurts so bad, it feels like her heart will burst out of her chest, and every breath she takes seems to choke her even more. But what can she do, there's no insane amount of food that can cover the crater in her soul, no insanely safe place she can run off to. 'You just have to move on' I tell her 'think that everything is okay, and eventually everything will be', I say 'I know it hurts and everything feels so fake but try to see beyond the dark clouds, you'll find a reason to really smile you'll see'...but lately I've being thinking, this just seems like a load of crap!